


Arachnophobia

by aardvark_french



Series: The Emo Maguire Saga [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance, Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi)
Genre: Arachnophobia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Don't Read This, Implied Sexual Content, In-Jokes, M/M, Memes, POV Frank Iero, Pining, Sorry Not Sorry, Spider-Man Kiss, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge Era, What Was I Thinking?, i just wanted to be the first person on the internet to write a gerard way/tobey maguire fic, this is a joke, what hell yeah what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28375707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aardvark_french/pseuds/aardvark_french
Summary: Frank is afraid of spiders. Gerard is in love with one.This is a joke. Mostly.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Gerard Way/Tobey Maguire
Series: The Emo Maguire Saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095386
Kudos: 2





	Arachnophobia

There were only seconds left before My Chemical Romance was supposed to take the stage, and Frank was there, baby. After tuning his guitar, listening to his favorite Black Flag songs, and ingesting an ungodly amount of Diet Coke, he couldn’t be more psyched for this show. He took one look at Gerard, his red eyeshadow perfectly accenting his beautiful hazel eyes, and just as Frank was about to step onstage, Gerard turned to him and said, “No stage gay tonight, Frank.” 

“Why not?” Frank asked. He loved kissing Gerard onstage: it made the fangirls scream, it pissed off the homophobes, and it gave him the chance to taste Gerard’s luscious lips. What could be better?

“Tobey’s here, and I don’t know how he would feel about it.” 

“Who’s Tobey?” 

“My boyfriend.” 

Frank laughed. “Since when do you have a boyfriend?” he said. 

Gerard paused and then said, “Remember that time when we forgot Ray at the truck stop, and I had to go back and get him…” 

“You’re going to have to be a lot more specific than that.” 

“It was in New York, I think. Two months ago maybe?” 

“I remember now. Go on.” 

“Anyways, I stopped at CVS on the way to the truck stop, because I needed coffee and Starbucks was closed, and I met Tobey there, and we hit it off, and…” 

“That’s an objectively weird way to meet someone,” Frank interrupted. 

“So what?” Gerard said. “We love each other very much, and that’s what’s really important. He can run away with me anytime he wants…” 

All of a sudden, a spiderweb shot into the room, sticking to the ceiling directly above Frank. He panicked, backing away fearfully. Nothing could possibly be worse than spiders. Normally, Frank loved animals, but those hideous creatures, with too many legs and too many eyes, just made his skin crawl. 

As it turned out, it wasn’t a spider after all. It was none other than Spider-Man, swinging through the backstage area on his web. Gerard watched in awe, while Frank winced, hoping that this was all a dream, that Gerard wasn’t really in love with his least favorite superhero. 

Spider-Man landed upside down, hanging from the ceiling just inches away from Gerard. “Hey there Gee,” he said. 

“Tobey,” Gerard whispered as he pulled off his mask and kissed him passionately. Frank cringed and stepped away, but before he could leave, Gerard pulled away from Tobey and said, “I should introduce you to Frank. He plays guitar for My Chemical Romance.” 

“Yeah...uhh...I’ve heard a lot about you,” Frank said to Tobey. Then, he turned to Gerard and whispered, “You didn’t tell me you were dating _Tobey Maguire_!” 

“What?” Gerard said. “Do you have a problem with it?” 

“Why him of all people?” Frank said. 

“Cause he’s Spider-Man.” 

Frank wished he could bang his head against a wall. It was as if Gerard was doing this just to troll him. Gerard knew that he couldn’t stand Spider-Man, that he hated how whiny and obnoxious he was, that spiders scared Frank even more than teenagers scared Gerard. Couldn’t he have chosen someone else, anyone else?

“I just wanted to wish you good luck before the show,” Tobey said with a smile. “I’m really excited to see you guys play.” 

Gerard blushed and said, “Aww, thanks, Tobes. That means a lot.” 

“You’re calling him _Tobes_ now?” Frank said, but both Gerard and Tobey ignored him. 

“You’re welcome,” Tobey said to Gerard. “By the way, do you want to go get pizza after the show?”

“I’d love to,” Gerard said. 

As the two of them stared into each other’s eyes, Frank felt like he had to say something. “Listen Tobey,” he said. “We have to get going - the show was supposed to start ten minutes ago, and I don’t think Gee’s checked his microphone yet..” 

“I missed the part where that’s my problem,” Tobey said, but nevertheless, he kissed Gerard one last time, put his mask back on, and webbed his way out of the room. 

A few minutes later, Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey stepped onstage, the crowd cheering as they began to play. As Gerard screamed his way through “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)", Frank stayed exactly six feet away from him as requested. He looked out at the audience, and much to his chagrin, Tobey was in the front row. He’d changed out of his Spider-Man suit and back into his normal clothes, and he was dancing like a total dweeb. Frank wished he could jump into the audience and break his pretty face, but Gerard would probably kill him over that, and Frank genuinely did want to stay alive, if only for the 31531831587542 puppies he had back at home. 

“I mean this! I’M OKAY!” Gerard sang. 

“Lie to me,” Frank muttered into the microphone. 

Gerard gave him an angry look, but he kept on singing, Tobey kept on dancing in the cringiest way possible, and the show went on. Frank did what he could to rile up the crowd while keeping his distance from Gerard, and the rest of the band played like crazy, blistering through some of My Chemical Romance’s biggest hits. It would have been a great night for Frank too, if it wasn’t for Tobey Maguire, his new worst enemy. 

As soon as the concert was over, Frank approached Gerard and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Tobey?” 

Gerard shrugged and said, “You never asked.” He paused and then added, “By the way, can you please at least try to get along with him? You were being really mean to Tobey earlier.” 

“But he’s Spider-Man, and spiders are scary, and…” 

“There’s nothing to be scared of!” Gerard exclaimed. “He’s just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!” There was a long silence, and then Gerard sighed and stared into Frank’s deep brown eyes. “Listen Frank, I love being your friend, I love being your bandmate, I love making music with you every night. You mean a lot to me, and I don’t want my relationship with Tobey to change anything between us. I just want my friends and my boyfriend to get along. Is that too much to ask?” 

Frank was silent for a moment, and then he said, “No, it’s not. I’ll be nicer to Tobey from now on.” 

“Good,” Gerard said. 

He was about to say something else, but all of a sudden, Tobey swooped into the room on his web and said, “Pizza time!” 

Gerard smiled as he grabbed Tobey’s hand, and the two of them disappeared into the night. Meanwhile, Frank walked out to the tour bus, where Ray was playing with his camera and Mikey was shoving a fork into a toaster. 

“Mikey, what the hell are you doing?” Frank asked. 

“I’m trying to get the toast out,” Mikey responded. 

Frank shrugged and asked his bandmates, “Did you two know that Gerard was dating Tobey Maguire?” 

“Yeah,” Ray said. 

“You didn’t know?” Mikey said. 

“No, Gee never told me,” Frank said. 

“That’s weird,” Mikey said. “He introduced Tobey to the whole family last time we were in Jersey. Our parents love him - the whole ‘being Spider-Man’ thing really won them over.” 

Frank frowned as he slumped against the tour bus, pain, sorrow, and rage filling his heart. He hated everything and everyone. He hated Ray and Mikey for having the audacity to be happy when he was so miserable. He hated Gerard for falling in love with someone he couldn’t stand. Most of all, he hated Tobey Maguire. 

Except that wasn’t quite true. 

The more he thought about it, the more Frank realized that he didn’t hate Tobey after all. Tobey was Spider-Man, but he was a nice person, and he was perfect for Gerard. They were both artists, albeit in different ways. They both loved comic books. Neither of them knew how to dance. They were both nerds masquerading as mid-2000s pop culture icons. They made each other happy, which was what really counted. 

The problem wasn’t Tobey. 

It was Frank. 

He would never be good enough. 

He would never measure up. 

All he wanted was what he couldn’t have. 

All he wanted was Gerard Way. 

Frank knew he had to apologize for treating Tobey so badly, for letting his jealousy simmer and for taking it out on him. He didn’t have Tobey’s phone number, but he had Gerard’s, so he immediately pulled out his flip phone and dialed his number. Frank listened to the phone ringing for a few moments before he heard, “Hi, you’ve reached Gerard Way. I can’t come to the phone right now - I’m probably writing my comic book, or maybe I’m reading one, or maybe I’m just not okay…”

Frank hung up and watched Mikey eat his burnt toast, amazed that he hadn’t electrocuted himself. 

“Hey, maybe we should head back to the hotel,” Ray said. “It’s getting kind of late.” 

“That sounds good,” Frank said. After a day like today, what he needed was a good night’s sleep. Maybe that would somehow help him get over his nagging insecurities and his hopelessly one-sided love for the lead singer of My Chemical Romance. 

When they arrived at the hotel, Frank immediately took his keys and went to his room, but on the way, he passed by Gerard’s room. He stopped for a moment, wondering if he was back from the pizzeria yet. Maybe he could finally get a chance to talk to Gerard. 

Frank nervously knocked on the door, but he didn’t get an answer. He knocked a second time, but again, there was no answer. He was about to walk away when suddenly, Gerard asked, “Frank? Is that you?” 

“Yeah,” Frank said. 

There was a long pause. Frank tried to hear what was going on, but he couldn’t make anything out. Eventually, he heard two voices say in perfect unison, “Come on in.” 

Frank opened the door, and there was Gerard, clad in nothing but his Spider-Man boxers, pressed up against Tobey. “Care to join us, Frankie?” Gerard said. 

And Frank instantly knew what his answer would be.


End file.
